You’ve gotta larf! 2

22 Mar
With thanks to Matt.

Something to think about!

22 Mar

 

PRIORITIES BY J.M. HULME

With half the world in shutdown

I find it strange to see

Loo rolls being the commodity

Folk consider a priority –

Alongside pasta – the new staple

We Brits need on our dinner table.

 

What happened to yesterday’s newspaper

Hanging on a nail?

When our only antiseptic gel

Was cold water from a pail?

Spaghetti was a foreign food

Heinz put in a tin –

And long-life milk, so disgusting

We threw it in the bin!

The only place to buy things

Was from the corner shop,

And the only Corona to find there

Was Dandelion and Burdock pop!

 

It seems now we need a lesson

On how to wash our hands,

We are so reliant on Facebook

Our heads stay buried in the sand.

We no longer make decisions,

Allowing others to cloud our visions,

As we scurry like Santa’s little elves

Grabbing loo rolls from the shelves.

 

from website:

Keep calm and self isolate!

21 Mar
The empty gym at BARONS at Scarborough rugby club
CHARLIE HOPPER

Following the government’s announcements on Thursday and yesterday I thought I would lapse into semi-seriousness from the tongue-in-cheek nature of this column whilst rugby is ‘away’. 

Many of you, mainly the older people and those with pre-existing conditions amongst our Scarborough rugby family, will have to self isolate for several weeks or even longer and although some of us has the comfort of a spouse or partner, others are on their own and could be suffering from loneliness, physical or mental problems or are distressed and isolated.  As one of the gang from SPOOKS’ CORNER I’ll miss our weekly COBRA (club oldies beer and rugby appreciation) meetings; seriously if any of you out there have ANY problems please contact the club and they will do everything in their power to help you and put you in contact with other members.

I was personally messaged by a young Valkryies player this morning enquiring if  I had any problems and if there was anything I need; I was very touched as she is a busy young mum with plenty on her plate; it fair warmed the cockles ‘o my old heart!

I am well aware that many of our older members either don’t use or eschew social media; however it’s early days yet and hopefully I can get this stuff into the Scarborough News shortly.

___________________________
Cheers,Dave
TEL: 07710 412510 MOBILE 01723 376339 HOME
Read the latest on Scarborough rugby and the big lockdown at: www.campbellrugby.com
and on Twitter at @Campbellrugby,

Highs and lows of a septuagenarian fugitive at the supermarket

18 Mar
Sainsbury’s this afternoon!

Slipped the bonds of my incarceration today to get a bottle of Famous Grouse from our local Sainsbury’s. However The prowling gangs of bulk buyers had made a preemptive strike and stripped the shelves of Scotland’s ‘holy water’.

Not only that but as I was mourning my loss. I heard a loud commotion coming from the store’s self-service checkout area. The high pitched screaming and bawling sounded as a some sort of assault was being perpetrated on a young lady, so I made my way to the area to find two what appeared to be 10 year old boys being led away in handcuffs by three burly coppers! Perhaps the undernourished-looking desperados we’re trying to nick some food? Things are getting desperate out here!

Anyway after all the excitement I had a few glasses of Senatagen to calm my nerves and was promised by a young lady at the store that if I come at the crack of dawn tomorrow I may just be able to buy a bottle of the restorative nectar. I’m kipping in my car; hope I don’t sleep in!

.

You gotta larf!

17 Mar
With thanks to Matt.

Day Two!

17 Mar
LOOK PRITI A COUPLE OF SEPTUAGENARIANS SNEAKING OUT TO PROUFOOTS; RING THE WRINKLY POLICE ON 777”

ON THE OTHER HAND WAIT ‘TIL THEY GET THERE!

Until further notice this blog has been re-named MUSINGS OF A SEPTUAGENERIAN FUGITIVE.

17 Mar

Chairman Boris made his first proclamation yesterday; no pub, no pictures, if you’re an old git no seeing the family and worse of all for me, no rugby club or rugby!

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